Wicked

Reviewing Wicked as a straight white man in his late 20s is the dumbest thing I have ever done. The average Wicked-reviewer is more than likely in the same demographic as I am- give or take a few years. And the average Wicked-review-reader has most definitely already seen my star rating and attempted to connect the dots. If film criticism had the power Twitter believes it to have, I’d be considered privileged in that my birth name doesn’t immediately give away my gender, race, or sexuality, making assumptions about my movie tastes a little harder to pinpoint. Well, now you know. And if you haven’t seen my star rating yet, you have my permission to do so. Now that we’re on the same page- yes, obviously, this movie wasn’t made FOR me. But doesn’t that make the fact that I liked it that much more interesting?

Wicked (2024) Dir. Jon. M. Chu, Starring; Cynthi Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jonathan Bailey, and Michelle Yeoh

Wicked is a story about discrimination, ostracization, and a half-baked conspiracy involving talking animals. By now, you might have heard that it’s actually part of a story, and that dreaded “Part 1” sub-title was once again intentionally left out of the marketing à la 2021’s Dune. Unlike Warner Bros, however, the suits at Universal decided to make this revelation the film’s only surprise as its three minute trailer essentially gives away the entire plot of the nearly three hour film. Although the stage production has been around since 2003 and the novel it’s loosely based on since 1995, the story has exactly penetrated the zeitgeist enough to make your average movie goer equate it with the back of their hand. Nevertheless, I do love musicals, and music was what I was there for- the story was a plus. All I wanted was well shot sequences with exciting choreography and good music. For the most part, that’s what I got.

The ultimate irony of Wicked is that its central theme is about treating others equally despite the way they look, but the movie itself is one of the ugliest studio films of the year. Is it possible to connect with a story when the visuals consist of the flattest lighting and colors you’ve ever seen? I, along with a majority of critics (according to the all-seeing, all knowing tomatometer), say yes. I’m not proud to be part of this group, but the truth is I have seen some incredible movies that also happen to look like complete garbage. My biggest problem with Wicked’s visuals is that they make the film feel like it could be the 35th entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. 

The correlation between the homogenization of Hollywood blockbusters and the rise in Box Office bombs is more apparent than ever. Are general audiences beginning to smell the “slop” being fed to them? I think they are. Studios still haven’t learned that the trick to disguising the slop is to make it out of an IP that is EVENT-WORTHY. No, your C-list supervillain origin story is not event-worthy. Unbeknownst to me until about halfway through the movie (I’m a straight white man in his late 20s), Wicked is. Yet, to some, the film won’t escape the box they already placed it in months ago. And why should it? It looks like trash. It’s littered with cameos. It doesn’t resolve a single plot line in its two-hour and forty-minute runtime. It’s slop. But. Jon M. Chu had his eye on something else. And it happened to be the thing I was there for.

The dancing is lively, the camera is moving, and the singers are singing. Even for the boring songs! Not every number hits, but you never get the feeling anyone is phoning it in. I would be remiss to mention that two of these sequences were sure-fire out-of-the-park homeruns. I’m sure you can guess one of them, but I was quite surprised by the other. I found myself caring. Breathless, even. Unfortunately, a good message surrounded by a few moments of spectacle isn’t enough for me to give this my full recommendation.

If you can get past the fact that a movie made in 2024 looks worse than one from 1939, and that a handful (literally all) of the storylines won’t reach their conclusion until the next installment, AND that it's 160 minutes long, you might find something to enjoy. And if you pour a pound of sugar into a pot of slop, it’ll probably taste kind of good.